I've been asking The Lord to replace himself for Mike. I hurt to be with Mike, let me hurt instead to be with The Lord...only there will I find fulfillment.
In a flash from no where I see the back of Mikes calves. How the calf muscle curved in. A freckle. His ankles. The wrinkle behind his ear. I could draw every line of his hands.
Driving I looked over at Danny the other day and his left hand held his right hand, just the same way Mikes left hand held his right. Joseph picks at his hands the same way Mike did.
I knew him. I know his habits, I know his physical being so well that I can see him. I know how my shoulders felt when he would wrap his arms around me. I can feel his hand grabbing mine.
If my nerve endings could connect to a 3D printer, I could make him.
If my nerve endings could connect to a 3D printer, I could make him.
I know him because I fell in love with him. And after I fell in love with him I lived with him. Him and I, in our house.
I fell in love with him because our relationship went further than just knowing his name, I discovered more than just who his friends and family were, where he went to work, and what he liked. I learned what was in his heart.
We pursued each other. Pursuing means you get to know someone more and more intimately. I want to pursue the Lord the way Mike and I pursued each other. I want to know my Lord. I want to recognize the feel of his touch in my life. I want to know what makes him happy. I want to know his heart.
His heart never changes and his love runs so deep that I'll never get to the bottom. There is always more to learn.
His word tells me that he is a "father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless." I want to know him and hurt for him instead of Mike.
Lord, I want to pursue you. I want to know you like I knew Mike. Intimately, Lord. Show me your heart. Teach me, Lord how to remember the man but not feel the void. Fill me with your heart Jesus. Thank you for giving me a man to remember, that loved me unconditionally, and layed the foundation for understanding that kind of love so well. His love was just the surface of what yours has to offer.
His heart never changes and his love runs so deep that I'll never get to the bottom. There is always more to learn.
His word tells me that he is a "father to the fatherless and a husband to the husbandless." I want to know him and hurt for him instead of Mike.
Lord, I want to pursue you. I want to know you like I knew Mike. Intimately, Lord. Show me your heart. Teach me, Lord how to remember the man but not feel the void. Fill me with your heart Jesus. Thank you for giving me a man to remember, that loved me unconditionally, and layed the foundation for understanding that kind of love so well. His love was just the surface of what yours has to offer.
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