Some days are hard. Hard to live.
I can go days holding back the pain, keeping it at bay, not letting it come down and cover me in the thick, breathtaking ugliness that it is. Then I feel it creeping closer to the surface trying to escape from behind my eyes, turning my stomach as if I could vomit it out, seeping out of my skin as an obnoxious sweat, strangling me. Never is it convenient. My nature has me push it back, think out the stages, shove it in and get the days list done.
It grows until I can't fight it anymore.
I break. I fall to pieces wanting to have Mike's arms around me. I want one of his hugs. I want to bury my nose in his neck. I don't want to be here without him. I want my hand in his hair. I want to be sitting beside him as he drives his family. I want to lay on the sofa with him after the littles go to bed. I want to be walking down the hall and him pop me on the backside and chuckle. I want to hear his chuckle. I want to see him throw his head back and grin his smartass grin. I want to be in a bad mood and him tell me I'm being sassy. I want to be sassy.
Hard days hurt, and they are always just around the corner.
Yes, the Lord sustains me on these hard days. Yes, the Lord is my rock. Yes, Lord I will bend to your design. Yes, Lord, I surrender....now please come find me, like a blazing wildfire, come find me, in my weakness when I would trade you for Mike in a heartbeat, Lord, come find me! Turn the ugly pain that's escaping out of me into radiant diamonds that I cannot contain. Surely your love will come find me. You're the God of mercy, the sweet love of mine. Teach me how to surrender to your design. Take my crys of your name and turn them into hallelujahs stretching across the sky. Multiply yourself, Lord, make this sacrifice worth it. Multiply, Lord, Multiply.
I can go days holding back the pain, keeping it at bay, not letting it come down and cover me in the thick, breathtaking ugliness that it is. Then I feel it creeping closer to the surface trying to escape from behind my eyes, turning my stomach as if I could vomit it out, seeping out of my skin as an obnoxious sweat, strangling me. Never is it convenient. My nature has me push it back, think out the stages, shove it in and get the days list done.
It grows until I can't fight it anymore.
I break. I fall to pieces wanting to have Mike's arms around me. I want one of his hugs. I want to bury my nose in his neck. I don't want to be here without him. I want my hand in his hair. I want to be sitting beside him as he drives his family. I want to lay on the sofa with him after the littles go to bed. I want to be walking down the hall and him pop me on the backside and chuckle. I want to hear his chuckle. I want to see him throw his head back and grin his smartass grin. I want to be in a bad mood and him tell me I'm being sassy. I want to be sassy.
Hard days hurt, and they are always just around the corner.
Yes, the Lord sustains me on these hard days. Yes, the Lord is my rock. Yes, Lord I will bend to your design. Yes, Lord, I surrender....now please come find me, like a blazing wildfire, come find me, in my weakness when I would trade you for Mike in a heartbeat, Lord, come find me! Turn the ugly pain that's escaping out of me into radiant diamonds that I cannot contain. Surely your love will come find me. You're the God of mercy, the sweet love of mine. Teach me how to surrender to your design. Take my crys of your name and turn them into hallelujahs stretching across the sky. Multiply yourself, Lord, make this sacrifice worth it. Multiply, Lord, Multiply.
1 comment:
Oh friend.... Lord hold my friend and your dearly beloved in the most heavy and difficult struggles....be her friend, brother, keeper, counselor, father, husband and All in All and keep her wrapped up in your Everlasting Arms! Love you Jess!
Post a Comment